Hello dear ones,
I have been asked to share my own experiences with you. I’ve been out of touch for a while because my experiences have been so overwhelming. Like you, or maybe even more than you, and God only knows why, I suffer.
From this point forward, I MUST create a protective barrier between what I share with you and its ability to come back and manifest in my life (again, more fully, etc). Ok, I’ve done that now. I can share openly and completely without it coming back to me.
There is so much I should have shared up to now that I will be catching you up in pieces. And I will do that. The background for today is:
My husband has anger issues
I am hurt by them (emotionally and spiritually, not physically)
I work in Spirit to clear his energies and my own
My husband does not bring home much of an income
As a result I feel the pressure to provide for both of us
I am constantly removing the fear related to not having enough money
My husband has memory problems
He seems to forget everything except for what makes him angry and what brings him income
I have adrenal insufficiency as a result of the stress
I also have painful swelling from my head down to my heart
Please note that my husband also has a HUGE heart center and is otherwise very loving.
So, you can see that healers have their own issues. Sometimes I wonder if I was given these issues in order to be more sensitive as a healer. One day I saw dozens of young angels who were waiting to work on me as I called on healing. I was given the understanding then that I was helping them learn.
Opening with Chakras
Every healing sessions begins with opening my chakras. I have a lovely process for this, but for time’s sake I won’t get into that now. I’ll just note for you that, as usual, my crown and third eye are open and full of energy, my throat and root are closed and everything in between is open, but not fully. That’s pretty typical.
Petty Jealousy, Insecurity, Panic and Accusations
Two days ago as I was trying to get to work (at home), my husband had been sent home from work (again) and was sitting at the kitchen table. As I was working at the sink, chit-chatting about my day and how I wasn’t working yet, I commented, “this is how I can’t get more than 4 billable hours a day,” meaning that I kept allowing myself to be pulled into cooking, cleaning, etc, when I heard in an accusing and resentful tone, “So your blaming me for that?!”
I was so stunned. I immediately went to spirit and started searching for where that came from. That’s another story. Let me just say for this post that I was stunned and wounded.
Later that same day, on two separate occasions, he went into panic mode (high voice, hands waving), about how I didn’t answer his question about how to do something. The words were “but I don’t know how to do that! I’ve never done that before!” — reacting in panic / anger as though I was judging his inability to complete the task, and both of these were simple tasks that he has done time and again.
Then again later, after a phone conversation with a co-worker, he accused me of inappropriate behavior with him. The phone conversation was a standard “so what is the work task?” and “you want it done this way,” etc.
At that point my angel wings folded and I became angry. Understand that this has gone on for many years. I lost all of my clients and income in 2011 because of my inability to manage his constant daily verbal assaults about my male clients — in corporate work, that’s a large percentage. And the energy that I accumulated caused my own illness (victim energy). Since then, I have worked diligently on resolving all of that energy, and he has worked with me. He and I have worked together to pull and clear those energies and we have had long discussions about how when I am feeling better and start working again I will have male clients and coworkers and he needs to be okay with me talking about them and having meetings with them, etc.
And yet, 2 days ago, just 3 months into this new work, he did it again.
Alzheimers and Sadness
I haven’t spoken to him in 2 days. I have been trying to resolve this: how do I continue to live with him when I cannot trust him to allow me to share my life and experiences with him fully, knowing that he will forget, that these energies continue to manifest for him, and that he will continue to assault me with accusations and negativity?
These are questions that those who love family with alzheimers ask every day.
My heart breaks and I have to work to pull sadness daily.
So where is the healing?
Your Own Reactions Are The Problem
Today I received an answer for this particular issue. In spirit I asked,
“How do I resolve knowing that this will continue and still live with him?”
Allow me (creator, God, whomever your higher power is) to do it.
You must open yourself and live your life fully. Enjoy your coworkers and clients and share your experiences with him. You must allow happiness and fullness of experiences. You cannot allow yourself to shut down in order to live with him. Your reactions to his small energies are what the issue is. You must contain yourself wholly as this energy is thrown at you, and maintain your joy regardless of him and his energy. You must continue to be happy.
How do I do that?
Allow my energy to strengthen you for this purpose. Then say, ‘if you were a good husband, you …’ He is so concerned with being a good husband that you will get his attention. Then point out the energy that he is in and explain the energy that you need and want.
So I went into healing mode and allowed this to penetrate and sink into my being.
Believe me, I understand that I’ll need to do this again because I will lower my own defenses at some point and allow myself to become resentful and angry. Healing is an ongoing process. For me and for you.
But today I am feeling better and am ready to move forward. I hope this story touches and helps you in some way — for your highest and best.
Are you wrestling with a family member’s anger? I can offer a loving ear and spiritual healing — just once or regularly. See the Angel Healing link on the menu above.